The "Lucky" Misconception

The other day a friend said something that struck me, and I thought it would be an interesting and maybe challenging topic to write about.

One of our friends had asked us how old Zane was and after we told him, he said that's good. Maybe he will remember his life before you guys and be way more appreciative. I understood where he was coming from, and I know he wasn't trying to be offensive, but it just pained me when I heard this.

I know people don't mean anything negative by it, but I think there is a misunderstanding about adoption. Often I hear Zane is so lucky. Zane will be so grateful. 

I want to set the record straight.

We hope to raise Zane in a way where he will see the goodness and blessings that our family has received. He will be involved in community projects and world projects at a young age. Ethiopia will be a common subject, and we hope to find ways to give back to his village and his country. But please understand this. We (Jeffrey and I) are the lucky ones. We (Jeffrey and I) are so honored and blessed to be this little boy's parents.

You see as great of parents we hope to be, Zane has nothing to be grateful or appreciative about when it comes to his adoption. Like mentioned in my blog before, adoption was our first choice, but I guarantee you it was not Zane's. Many of you can easily see that this beautiful little boy is gaining a mommy and daddy, but please do not forget he is also losing so much. A few months ago, I was so wrecked with the idea of everything he is losing: his language, his culture, smells, sounds, taste, everything that is familiar (whether that be the best or not). There is nothing lucky about losing everything at such a young age. Zane's full story is not ours to tell you, so I won't, but know that it hasn't been a happy beginning for him. So you see, as beautiful and a blessing this adoption has been for us, those feelings may not be the same for Zane, and we are completely okay with that. 

On the note that maybe he will remember some things. My prayers have been that while he is in Ethiopia, God will instill things in him that only Ethiopia can give him. Jeffrey and I are hoping to do our very best, but we know we will fall short, so as we are waiting, our prayer is not that Zane remembers the traumatic or the painful, but that he develops a love for his people and his country. We pray that even though he may not recognize where certain characteristics and qualities come from as he gets older, we pray that he is beginning to develop into the strong, wonderful man that God has planned for him to be!

Zane will not be indebted to us in any way. We have loved him long before he was born. Sure we hope he is grateful just as we would hope for any child, but we don't feel his adoption should be a part of that. 


  1. So beautifully said!!! How insightful. Thanks for sharing this Rachel.

  2. Thanks for wrangling this topic and addressing it. I know it helped me broaden my perspective.


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